


What ifs

by estroberikeyk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Apologies, Confessions, Confrontations, Feelings Realization, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25028497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estroberikeyk/pseuds/estroberikeyk
Summary: Tsukishima never knew he will meet him again, now he face the consequences of not confessing to Nekoma's captain, Kuroo Tetsuro, when they were still in highschool.Only one problem, Kei no longer feel anything for the man.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	What ifs

It's the start of winter; people have multiple layers of clothes on them, trying to stay warm amidst the snow. Everything was painted white yet the everyone still smiles as they paint the surroundings with different colors of their attires. If only Tsukishima Kei can do it right now. Smile. As he sat in front of once a senior on his high school days, Kuroo Tetsuroo. The warm ambiance of the café didn't help him at all.

He was surprised by the invitation, really. He never knew he will still see the raven haired after he graduated, never thought he'll ever see his gentle eyes once again. And, deeply, he wish it would stay that way. But there he is, leisurely having a cup of coffee as they talk about topics Tsukishima couldn't predict.

"Say Tsukkishima, I have something to ask you," Kuroo asked, making the blonde unexpectedly nervous for some reason. He placed the cup on his lips and took a sip, trying to calm down his nerves as he answered, "Go ahead."

"What if..." There's a pause, as if he's hesitating, "What if I liked you since... you know, high school?"

Tsukishima almost choke on his coffee as he heard what was asked. He couldn't help but to shake his head, see? Unpredictable at all. He was silent for a whole minute, staring to the swirling liquid inside his cup. He can almost see sweats forming on Kuroo's forehead when he glanced, fidgeting on his chair. Finally, he let out a smile, but not a happy one, "If you have liked me back then? Then I would have not believe it since... why would /you/?" He lowly chuckled, "But at the same time, I would be happy, so happy that I would ask the Gods what did I do to deserve it."

It was just a second but Tsukishima saw a glint of hope on Kuroo's eyes, but it quickly was replaced by disappointment, "You /would/, huh?"

The blonde let out a bitter laugh, "Yeah." There was silence for a moment before Tsukishima gained courage of asking something he should've asked million years ago:

"Why didn't you say anything back then?"

It was Kuroo's turn to be silent, the more Tsukishima stare at him, the more he see how hurt he is just by sitting there. And it is, indeed, consuming his mind with guilt. It took longer to finally hear Kuroo's answer and for a moment, Tsukishima regretted he even asked that question. "I was scared, Tsukki, what can I do? What if I scared you off? What if you didn't like me back? What if... what if you started to hate me? Avoid me?"

Tsukishima saw the way Kuroo clenched his fist, the way he bow his head so he couldn't see his eyes that is probably started to form tears as he saw a few droplets fall at the tissue on the table. And even if Tsukishima won't admit it, his heart too, is breaking... but not as much as Kuroo does. And he couldn't help but pity the man.

"I..." The ravenette took a deep breath, trying for his voice not to break, "I don't want that. Never."

Tsukishima gulped, "Kuroo-" before he could even say anything, his phone vibrates. His gaze soften as he saw the sent messages, almost forgetting the man in front of him. He coughed, "I'm sorry--"

But Kuroo shake his head, "No worries, Tsukki. I did say I'll only take a few minutes of your time." He smiled, and the blonde know that it was forced, also now that he can clearly see a few traces of tears in the corner of his eyes. He was hesistant to leave but he couldn't let someone wait either. With a sigh he started to type a reply.

**Love ♡:** Tsukki! Are you coming home now?

**Love ♡:** I made dinner so don't be late!

**Love ♡:** Take care, okay? I love you!

**Tsukki ♡:** Yes. Don't worry, Yamaguchi. I'll be home soon. I love you, too.

He looked at Kuroo, and just like before he's still staring at him. Fondly. And Tsukishima couldn't get more guilty. He spoke, one more time, he just felt like it'll be a waste if he go now so he will push it, "Before I go," This is it. One last chance. "Have I answered all your questions?" Yes, he know, he is cruel. So cruel that he's thankful that things end up this way. Kuroo deserved a way more better person than him.

"Actually, I have one more question," Kuroo started, drinking what's left to the coffee that turned cold, "You will hate me for asking this but... do I lack something that /he/ have?" Then silence for two seconds or three, "Ah, forget i-"

"Maybe he made me feel more loved." Tsukishima answered, every word that will come out of his mouth is something that will break Kuroo even more. He's aware but he's still answering. Atleast, this is the only thing that he could do for him, answer all the questions that might bug him every night at his sleep. "He adored me, he cared for me, he's just... always there. He's there to make me laugh, support me in everything, be the shoulder to cry on, lend an ear with all my rants," He gasped, he doesn't want to continue. He doesn't want to look at Kuroo's face either. The last sentence almost came out like a whisper, "I just realized that I've already fallen for him."

"Hah..." Kuroo let out a breath, covering his face with his hands, "I see. I get it. Ah, I want to apologize so bad."

With Kuroo's every word, he felt a tug at his own heart. It hurts to see him like this, but what can he do? Nothing. He's just a coward 'til the end. Put the blame at Kuroo but he is the one who can't be honest with his own feeling. With the last drink of the coffee, Tsukkishima stood up, "Then, I'll be on my way." He said, heartless as he is. But when he glanced to Kuroo. he didn't expect a smile on his face.

"Take care, /Kei/."

With a single bell, the glass door of the cafe closed.


End file.
